Overcoming Caregiver Guilt

Caring for a loved one can be a rewarding yet emotionally demanding experience, with both good and bad days. While experiencing conflicting emotions like love and resentment are common in caregiving, persistent feelings of inadequacy, regret, or self-blame, coupled with exhaustion, may be an indicator of caregiver guilt.   

ABOUT CAREGIVER GUILT   

Caregiver guilt is a complex emotional experience characterised by negative feelings related to the care a caregiver provides for their loved one. This guilt can manifest in various ways, often arising from the inherent challenges of caregiving. You may feel guilty about losing patience with your loved one during a difficult moment or the guilt can surface when you prioritise your own well-being, such as taking time for personal activities or rest, leading to feelings of selfishness or neglect.  

TIPS FOR MANAGING CAREGIVER GUILT   

If you're caring for a loved one, TOUCH Caregivers Group shares some tips that you may employ to manage caregiver guilt and find more joy in your role.  

Acknowledge the feelings: Recognise that you can’t control all your emotion, and guilt, much like frustration or sadness, is a natural human emotion that may surface during caregiving. Choosing to acknowledge and accept the guilt instead of suppressing these feelings is the first step towards managing it effectively and creating space for self-compassion and understanding.  

Setting realistic expectations: Having unrealistic expectations could contribute to feeling of guilt [1]. When expectations are unrealistic, even minor setbacks or moments of imperfection can trigger feelings of inadequacy and self-blame. Recognise that even with your best efforts, you may have moments where you fall short. Focus on establishing clear boundaries and setting realistic expectations for yourself, which involves recognising your limitations, both physical and emotional.  

Identify the feeling and its source: Ask introspective questions like “What happened?” and “How was I feeling at that point of time?” to understand if the guilt you’re feeling is related to a specific situation or decision. Reflecting on those questions may help you gain clarity of the root cause, leading to opportunity to dismantle the guilt and even develop solutions for it.   

Take a self-care break: You should not feel guilty for prioritising your own well-being. Taking deliberate breaks to rest, nourishing your body with healthy meals, and engaging in activities that bring you joy are essential for maintaining your physical and mental well-being and improving your overall quality of life. Neglecting your own needs can lead to burnout, which ultimately hinders your ability to provide effective care.   

Seek support and accept help: Seeking support and accepting help from others is a sign of strength, not weakness. Reach out to family and friends to share in the caregiving responsibilities, even in small ways. Engaging with professionals, such as counsellors or support groups, can also lighten your emotional load by providing a safe space to express your feelings and gain valuable coping strategies.   

Have any questions on caregiving or want to find out more about caregiver-related support and services? Find out more here.   

Caregiving is not a solitary journey, and prioritising your own needs is essential. By reaching out for help and honouring your own well-being, you can better sustain your caregiving journey.   

TOUCH Caregivers Support (TCG) envisions a community in which caregivers, together with their loved ones, are empowered to live well. It aims to do this by caring for the carer, while building a care network around the family, to build confidence and strengthen support. By focusing on the individual’s strength and taking a family-centred approach, TCG will strive to improve care sustainability, enabling caregivers to enjoy a better quality of life. To help caregivers cope with the challenges of caregiving, TCG provides a range of care resources, including helplines, home modification schemes, caregiver training and online community support. As an advocate for caregivers, TCG also conducts talks and webinars, and shares insights on media platforms to empower and further support caregivers on their journey.  

Sources 
1. “How to let go if you have caregiver guilt” UnitedHealthcare, https://www.uhc.com/news-articles/healthy-living/letting-go-of-caregiver-guilt