Strengthen your Marriage through Parenthood

Maintaining a strong marital bond requires conscious effort, especially after having children. Most research suggest that marital satisfaction often dips when couples become parents. A six-year longitudinal study of 130 newlywed couples revealed that marital satisfaction decreased after the birth of their first child due to fewer positive interactions and increased conflicts stemming from parenthood responsibilities. [1].   

While parenting presents a unique set of challenges and potential for conflict, couples can find effective ways to nurture their connection and maintain a strong, healthy marriage. In fact, this is the best gift any parent can give to their children [2]. By modelling a strong marriage, you can teach your children valuable lessons and expectations about healthy and successful relationships.   

Here are some strategies from TOUCH Marriage Support to navigate marriage at the different parenting stages: Infancy and Toddlerhood, Preschool and Early School Years, and Adolescence.   

STRATEGIES FOR BUILDING STRONG MARRIAGE AT DIFFERENT PARENTING STAGES 

TIPS FOR BUILDING STRONG RELATIONSHIPS   

Here are some tips from TOUCH Marriage Support to help strengthen the relationship between you and your spouse as you apply the above strategies to your family life.   

Open communication: Build the habit of checking in with each other daily. Make time to talk about your day and share any stressors. Open and vulnerable communication fosters empathy and strengthens your bond. Remember, your relationship as husband and wife comes first, even before your role as parents.  

Emotional connection: Strengthen your marriage by responding positively to each other's bids for connection. Bids for connection are attempts to connect with a partner, whether verbal or nonverbal, and that means acknowledging and reciprocating your partner’s attempts at making conversation or their needs for affection or support. Express your appreciation and affirm your spouse with specific examples to help them feel loved and valued.   

Love deposits: We each have a "Love Bank" with accounts for everyone we know. Positive interactions deposit "love units" while negative ones withdraw them. Learn your partner’s primary love language and make effort to deposit to each other’s love bank daily. If your partner's love language is acts of service, show your love by helping with household tasks and running errands. These small gestures of love and appreciation can significantly strengthen your emotional bond.  

Keeping romance alive: Amidst the busy demands of parenting, prioritise time for each other. This could include date nights, intimate conversations, or simply enjoying quality time together. A strong marriage provides a solid foundation for navigating parenting and marriage challenges.  

Use “I” statements: "You" statements can sound accusatory. Instead, use "I" statements to express your feelings, concerns, and needs. This fosters mutual understanding of underlying needs, reduces misunderstandings, and creates a more supportive environment. For example, you can say "I felt neglected when you spent most of your free time with our baby. I'd love for us to have some alone time to reconnect."  

Conflict resolution skills: Improve your conflict resolution skills by practising active listening, expressing feelings without blame, taking time-outs when necessary, and seeking solutions that benefit both parties. Focus on compromise and collaboration by merging your approaches and leveraging each other's strengths. Make a conscious effort to turn towards each other and reconnect after disagreements or conflicts.  

Seek professional guidance: Consider attending workshops and counselling sessions organised by TOUCH Marriage Support to learn new strategies that benefit and strengthen your marriage. Contact TOUCH Marriage Support at familylife@touch.org.sg or click here to find out more. Support groups and self-help books on marriage can also offer practical guidance and advice.  

A strong marriage doesn't happen by accident; it requires conscious effort. Whether you're already parents or preparing to welcome a new arrival, investing in your marriage will bring both of you closer together and create a healthy and supportive family environment for your children.  

TOUCH Marriage Support aims to enrich marriages to build a strong foundation for families. Through a range of holistic programmes led by experienced marriage educators and counsellors, TOUCH Marriage Support prepares young couples for marriage, strengthens spousal relationships, guides couples through conflict resolution, and empowers couples to navigate and cope with the stressors and challenges which they may face in their marriage.  

Sources  
1. A F, Shapiro. “The baby and the marriage: identifying factors that buffer against decline in marital satisfaction after the first baby arrives”,https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10740682/  
2. Neil and Sharol, Josephson. “The baby and the marriage: identifying factors that buffer against decline in marital satisfaction after the first baby”, 23 Jun. 2022, https://www.familylifecanada.com/blog/giving-your-kids-the-security-of-a-healthy-marriage/