According to the 2019 Statistics on Marriages and Divorces from the Singapore Department of Statistics, the largest share of divorces come from couples who are married between five to nine years.
How can we ensure that our marriage remains healthy over time? How can we resolve tensions to ensure that these issues do not become a tipping point for our marriage?
We send our cars for servicing regularly to ensure that the engine is kept healthy and the various parts are in good working order, preventing potential major issues and prolonging the overall life span of the car. We also go for regular physical health screenings to ensure that any health concerns may be addressed immediately with treatment.
Similarly, marital relationships need regular servicing and nurturing to ensure continued fulfilment and satisfaction. Sometimes, the concerns over career, family, children, health and life transitions can put a strain on marital relationships. If issues in a marriage are left unaddressed, the marriage may eventually suffer from emotional distancing, poorer communication, increasing conflict and dissatisfaction. A little check in could go a long way by providing you and your spouse with the opportunity to pause and evaluate the state of your marriage. A marital health check can highlight the areas of growth in your relationship with your spouse and guide you towards areas that may be causing tensions in your relationship, helping to nip any potential issues in the bud.
PERFORM REGULAR CHECKS
It is good to conduct a marital health check on a regular basis, for example every two years, or in preparation for transitions in life – entering parenthood, parenting in different stages, career changes, facing the loss of a loved one, etc. However, if there are concerns that the relationship may be facing troubles at any point in time, it would be beneficial to seek professional help to work on it before further escalation of the issue and deterioration of your relationship.
Some examples of such troubles include:
- Tensions that can arise from unrealistic and unmet expectations
- Communication breakdown
- Unmanaged conflicts
- In-law tensions
- Finances
- Issues regarding physical intimacy
A marital health check can highlight the areas of growth in your relationship with your spouse and guide you towards areas that may be causing tensions in your relationship. In doing so, both of you can seek help to know how to navigate these tensions better.
Below is a simple checklist that you can do at home as a couple:
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True / False
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1
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I can tell you what stresses my spouse is currently facing.
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2
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I can list my spouse’s major aspirations and hopes in life.
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3
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I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my spouse lately.
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4
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I really enjoy discussing things with my spouse.
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5
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My spouse is good at soothing me when I get upset.
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6
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We are pretty good listeners even when we have different positions on things.
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7
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Even though our interests are somewhat different, I enjoy my spouse’s interests.
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8
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I feel loved and cared for in this marital relationship.
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The above questionnaire is taken from Gottman, John and Nan Silver: The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide From the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert (New York: Three Rivers Press, 1999). This simple checklist takes a few minutes to complete and gives you and your spouse a chance to do a quick reflection on the state of your marriage and relationship, with more “true” answers indicating a healthier marital relationship.
MARITAL HEALTH CHECK PROGRAMME
For a more in-depth evaluation of your marriage, TOUCH Marriage Support offers a full assessment – the evidence-based PREPARE ENRICH Relationship Online Assessment – under their Marital Health Check programme. This comprehensive assessment would require both you and your spouse to participate in. This marital health check also includes a personalised two-hour session, where a trained married professional will help to unpack the findings of the above assessment for you, addressing the specific areas of strength and growth in your marriage.
Find out more about the programme here.
Want to learn how to enhance your marriage? Contact TOUCH Marriage Support at [email protected] or click here to find out more.
TOUCH Marriage Support aims to enrich marriages to build a strong foundation for families. Through a range of holistic programmes led by experienced marriage educators and counsellors, TOUCH Marriage Support prepares young couples for marriage, strengthens spousal relationships, guides couples through conflict resolution, and empowers couples to navigate and cope with the stressors and challenges which they may face in their marriage.