“We don’t talk; we just argue or fight!” Sounds familiar?
It is normal for couples to argue due to disagreements over issues in their daily lives. They argue about many things from big issues such as money and parenting right down to the smallest details like the colour of the walls during renovation. Long story short, anything could give rise to arguments between couples.
According to TOUCH Family, some of the most common issues that they have observed couples bickering over are:
- Money matters
There is a Chinese saying which goes ''Don’t talk about money – you’ll hurt the relationship!'' Money matters are “sensitive matters” that can evoke arguments due to differing values and upbringing between a couple.
For example, a wife may have no qualms splurging on a branded item. On the other hand, her spouse may have been taught to only spend on what’s necessary and not indulge in luxurious/branded items. This disagreement on spending habits may emerge as a point of contention between the couple.
- Excessive use of IT gadgets
Most of us own some form of mobile device and it is not uncommon to see people glued to them even while walking on the streets. After all, our mobile devices can provide endless entertainment and keep us connected with the online community. Hence, children and adults alike, can easily be sucked into using these gadgets and neglect spending quality face-to-face time with their loved ones who may be physically present right beside them.
- Lack of communication
Due to work commitments and the constant use of gadgets, we now spend less time communicating with each other face-to-face. The lack of constant quality face-to-face communication can give rise to miscommunication. As the degree of miscommunication escalates between a couple, the chances of being misunderstood increases, leading to dissatisfaction in the relationship and arguments.
Now that we are aware of these issues which could give rise to conflicts in a marriage, let’s make the effort to intentionally steer our actions and words in the right direction to preserve and build our marriages.
Disagreements are inevitable. The good news is that they can be managed with honesty, love and respect. If handled properly, disagreements or conflicts can even strengthen a relationship as they present opportunities for the couple to communicate each other’s needs or motives and know each other’s real underlying concerns. A deeper level of understanding can be achieved when couples take the time to listen and hear each other out.
It is good for couples to remember that the key to communication is seeing things from the other person's perspective. You can try doing so through the following ways:
- Calm yourself down and put your own emotions aside.
- Try asking your spouse questions and seek to understand their point of view. Observe their body language, analyse the words they use, and try to understand how they are feeling.
- Develop empathy by putting yourself in your spouse’s shoes and move the discussion in an objective and loving way.
Ultimately, successfully resolving an argument lies not in agreement but rather, a mutual understanding of each other’s minds or perceptions – bearing in mind that we are all different in the first place and sometimes, it is better to “agree to disagree”.
Want to improve your relationship with your spouse? TOUCH Family is here to help. Contact us at 6709 8400 or [email protected] to find out about our counselling services.
Interested in equipping yourself with useful handles to strengthen your family? Check out our marriage courses and workshops here.
TOUCH Family aims to deliver impact to the community by building strong and fulfilling families, and promoting the well-being of individuals and families in need. It impacts 12,500 families and individuals each year through family-based services and programmes, and strives to provide a holistic integrated service to serve the needs of every person and family at every stage of their lives.